Have you ever felt like you are talking to a wall?
This feeling usually comes up when you are having a disagreement or argument and then your spouse checks out. You notice them being physically there, but they are not replying. Replying to a conversation can sometimes be shown by commenting, one's body language, or just simply showing eye-to-eye contact. At this point of the conversation, you feel frustrated because your spouse is not effectively communicating making you feel alone and like your thoughts and emotions are invalid to them. This behavior that was just described is known as stonewalling and sessions at Therapy with Grace can help you change that.
Therapy with Grace offers Couples Counseling (Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Dating Therapy, Relationship Therapy) Therapy in Glendale or via zoom in CA.
According to Grace Akopyan Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, stonewalling is not usually done intentionally . Stonewalling is caused when someone feels overwhelmed and flooded with emotions and does not know how else to react. Our brain's main function is to keep us safe and when we are flooded with emotions the easiest way our brain can figure out how to keep us safe is by dissociating.
Disassociation is done when someone taps out and starts to think of something other than the present moment. From your point of view your partner is not giving your emotions making you feel like your voice does not matter. It might come to you as a surprise, but what is actually happening is that your emotions are so important to them and instead of coming up with just any answer, they get flooded with emotions. These overwhelming flood of emotions automatically kick them out of the conversation and take over creating this inner dialogue in their head. If you find yourself feeling this way, scheduling individual therapy or couples counseling sessions at Therapy with Grace can help you learn to control this.
According to Grace Akopyan LMFT and Couples Counseling Professor at Pepperdine University, when you notice this happening you can help them. Understanding that your spouse is overwhelmed means you need to reel them back in to the conversation and you do that by un-flooding them of their emotions. Therapy with Grace sessions can help couples learn how to support one another in crises moments.
A healthy way to support our partner is by pausing and stopping ourselves from talking and continuing to get invested in the one sided conversation. Healthy communication means, it is a back and forth dialogue and we both need to listed and hear one another.
Communicating this way can be difficult and Couples Counseling sessions at Therapy with Grace can help you learn how. Once you notice your partner coming back to the present, change the topic and ask them if they would like to pause this conversation and join you in a pleasant memory. When you describe a pleasant memory you both shared together, you are allowing your partner to self regulate. Once regulated, you reintroduce the topic and allow your partner to rejoin the conversation without being flooded with emotions.
Relationship counseling can help you work on communicating and learning how to self regulate yourself and one another during stressful moments.
Schedule a complimentary mini session with me to see if I will be a good fit for you.
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