Validation is a major key when creating a lasting united bond with your partner. Validation means that you are acknowledging your partner's message. Validation is often misconstrued because we are not always taught how to implement this communication technique. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in couples counseling in the Los Angeles, CA area, it is not out of the ordinary to get pushback from my clients when I bring up the Validation word in my sessions. Validation does not mean you have to agree to whatever your partner wants, says, or believes. It might come as a surprise, but you do not need to change into a different person or compromise your own beliefs to validate your partner. At Therapy with Grace, we help couples learn to validate one another to help strengthen and deepen the connection with your partner without loosing sight of your own beliefs and values.
It is natural for someone to want to feel heard, but when you offer your perspective without validating your partner's message, you can make your partner feel lonely and unheard. Therapy with Grace shows couples how validation is as simple as empathizing. Empathizing is created when you place yourself into your partner's perspective and understand what emotions they are feeling at that moment. I know this seems pretty difficult to do, that is why Therapy with Grace offers couples sessions tailored specific to your relationship in order to help you learn how to accomplish this form of communication.
The founder of Therapy with Grace, Grace Akopyan shares that before we can empathize with our partner, we need to understand their partner's message. Listening to your partners message goes beyond the words they are saying and is more about what those words mean to them. Once you understand their message, repeat it to them.
For example, when you hear your partner say “It hurts me when you talk to me like that,” I want you to focus on the emotion word(s) they are sharing with you. The word hurt, what does that mean? I want you to repeat their message to them and explain how you can relate to their feelings. You can say something like, “What I heard was that I am making you feel hurt when I talk to you like that, I know the word hurt is not a pleasant feeling and it will make me feel bad if you were hurting me.”
Showing empathy toward your partner's message can make them feel heard and understood. Your partner will get a sense that you are hearing their message and trying to understand. When you implement this technique, you are not saying that they should feel this way or that you made them feel this way, you are just trying to feel their emotions and be there for them at that particular moment.
You hearing their message will make it easier for them empathize toward your emotions. Emotionally communicating with your partner can make you feel emotionally attuned to one another and eventually lead to a shared meaning together. Therapy with Grace touching on how to a shared meaning can help couples achieve understanding. Grace Akopyan mentions that when couples listed to one another, they often find that their end goals are more similar than they may have thought.
It is not out of the ordinary for couples to feel awkward or afraid of being vulnerable with one another. Working with Therapy with Grace for a couple of sessions can help you feel more comfortable with one another.
Marriage and Relationship counseling can help you feel empowered, in control, with better communication, deepening intimacy, and learning how to navigate the dynamics in their relationship. Grace Akopyan Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Couples Counseing Professor at Pepperdine University ,believes that there are 2 components that contribute to great therapy; the clinical knowledge the therapist holds and how comfortable you feel with them. Feel free to schedule a mini complimentary session to see if Therapy with Grace is a good fit for you.
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